My Project Today

This morning I decided to clean out the gazebo that held the hot tub. Here are the before and after photos.

I looked in the backyard this evening and saw Nater's swing. A pang of sadness clutched my insides along with the anxiety I am already having. My little boy isn't so little anymore, and at this rate, will have to sell the swing. The swing brought so many memories back of us with it. Makes me sad. Eric found out today that he's no way going to be able to afford the house with just him, so we are both going to move out by the end of the month. ...another bittersweet moment. There were a lot of good memories in this house, along with the bad. It's funny how something like looking at Nater's swing makes me feel so sad and scared. My stomach has been in continuous knots off and on for the last week. I'll be fine, then fear and anxiety will grip my insides like a vice and it doesn't let go until I call someone and talk to them.

...and here I thought I was adaptable to change. So much for that. This is just so huge. So, alien, so foreign. As a friend of mine pointed out, I have never had a single adulthood up until coming up here pretty soon. It scares the living daylights out of me. I will be in no rush to get in to another relationship for a while, but, I'm scared to be 'alone'. I put the alone in quotes because I will have Nater, my family, and my friends.

I hate this so much.